New Blog Requirements

****From now on, one of your ten replies needs to be to me.****

I have read your two of your three most recent essays, and here are my thoughts:

For the Defend, Challenge, Qualify essays:

• The number one thing most essays are lacking is specific, detailed examples. That said, I'd like to quote you part of a paragraphs, from one of your essays that does get detailed:

"Woodrow Wilson....'kept us out of war.'..Woodrow Wilson didn't do exactly what he tended to promote; the few voters voted for him and he won the election. Unfortunately, this led the United States ... between two main rivals (Germany and the Ottoman Empire)...because the few voters who went to cast their ballots, their voice was heard and not the voice of others. This ultimately resulted in a historical scar, and...serves the necessity of compulsory voting" (Ortega).

Then, once you give the example, you must explain how that example proves your thesis. A sentence like this should connect your reason (cause) with the thesis (result).

• Your opening paragraphs sound a little awkward. It should sound like you are passionate about your topic and in control of your language. Let me give you an example of a well-done, first-draft opening paragraph:

"Nations and kingdoms have long be founded and run by ideas. People of all kinds have had ideas on their systems of government and sometimes were not heard clearly. Today we have a more refined way of expressing the thoughts of government through casting a ballot. Many people are offered the choice of electing their nation's leader through voting. Unfortunately, not a lot of people take advantage of this opportunity as they should and decide to opt out of a wonderful opportunity that they have. It is because of this that some countries like Australia have made voting compulsory, or required by law. Because it holds such an importance to our systems of government , making voting a law is a great step towards gathering more diverse voters and hearing what they have to say" (Flores-Maldonado).

While there are places to refine in this paragraph, (see below), it also gives a real-life context for the discussion, transitions between ideas and clearly states whether the writer is challenging, defending or qualifying the proposed point of view.

Also:

1. Reference a standard -- the constitution, the bible, the Koran, the school norms, your parents' rules. This will help you define what you mean by "right" or "good."
2. Quote/Reference your life experiences the same way you'd quote a text.
3. Qualifying would be something like "Compulsory voting is the right choice, if -- and only if, it is coupled with compulsory education in constitutional law."

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For the Analysis essays:

• You need to clearly identify the author's goal. For example, in writing about Toussaint-Louverture, Wendell Philips is attempting to a) celebrate Louverture as a hero and possibly to b) promote African-Americans as soldiers. Any thesis about this topic should say as much. For example:

1. "With his speech, he uses the strategies [of] hyperbole, personification and figurative language to convince his audience to...allow African Americans in the military" (Hernandez).
2. "In a speech filled with emotion provoking syntax...and contrast, Wendell Phillips gave praise to [the] Hatian general Toussaint-Louverture" (Garcia).
3. "Instead, Wendell Philips...made him look praiseworthy through hyperbole, antithesis and [comparison]" (Kim).
   

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In General:

1. Cut out extra words. It will make your writing clearer! Notice:

"Nations and kingdoms have long be founded and run by ideas. Yet, people sometimes were not heard clearly. Today we have a more refined [system]. People are offered the choice of electing their nation's leader through voting. Unfortunately, not a lot of people take advantage of this [but] decide to opt out of a wonderful opportunity that they have. Because of this, some countries like Australia have made voting compulsory, or required by law. Because it holds such an importance to our government , making voting a law is a great step towards gathering more diverse voters and hearing what they have to say" (Flores-Maldonado, Revised).

2. Use transitional language to connect your ideas. More on this later.

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Quick Tricks:

These are easy things to do that go a long way:

1. Give your essay a title.
2. This = 1 thing / These = more than one thing
3. Is = 1 thing / Are = more than one thing
4. Check for commas (use the warm-ups)
5. Read your thesis out loud. If it makes no sense, rewrite it.
6. You can give several short quotes (2-5 words) in a single paragraph
7. Skip the dead words like "stuff" "different" "others" -- be specific.
8. There are only three appeals (Logos, Ethos, Pathos). The rest are devices.
9. Learn, please, please, how to use apostrophes. See me. I'll help you.

Also, think about whether or not you want the same study teams for next semester. Let me know personally, in writing. (Drop a note in the shoe box on the shelf with your notebooks).

Enjoy reading and writing!