I read your essays for a second time this weekend, but have chosen not to make personal comments. I did highlight a few things on your pages -- yellow for "no" and pink for "ok." For now, I'll leave the lot of you with the following pointers:
- Be yourself. When I read your essay, I want to hear your voice. If you care, I will care. If you don't, why should I?
- Be consistent. Don't switch back and forth between the ever-awkward "one" and the too-intimate "you." Use what you know -- the first person, and stick to it the whole way through.
- Proofread. Seriously, at this point, I shouldn't be noticing sentences that don't start with a capital letter. Read your papers, out loud, to yourselves, always. Learn about apostrophes and use them correctly. Use the correct forms of there/their/they're, etc. These things matter. Presentation = professional dress; paper = proofread.
- Write a thesis and sustain it. The bad news is that we aren't writing narrative. The good news is that expository is formulaic. Build first, then decorate.
- Avoid vague words. No "I think I feel" sentences are needed. Don't use words like "different" or "interesting" or "nice." Be specific and own your beliefs. Avoid the subjunctive: no "would" or "could" -- just active, powerful verbs.
Some of you are probably frustrated because I didn't give you a precise prompt or a specific word count; more frustrated because I'm not writing comments or scoring your essays. Here's my rationale: This first essay was a diagnostic. I needed to see what you did without my help. Thus, the blurry requirements. Yet I am realistic. I am not going to score you on something that I did not myself teach you. Thus, no rubrics. As your syllabus points out, our next unit will open for us the study of writing. Right now, we self-assess.
You are all, by the way, now accountable for the five items listed above.
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